Lately, the tarot cards “Death” and “The Tower” have been resonating with me, but I’m not sure which one better suits the situations I’m lately finding myself in. First, an overview:
Earlier this year, I went through a complete revision of my long-held desires. I went from being completely against having children (just me, not in general. I mostly like kids, but I like to give them back at the end of the day), to desperately wanting to have a baby. This was such a dramatic shift for me that I kept my thoughts on the matter a secret and started going to weekly therapy sessions to try to sort out what was happening to me. In the end, I decided that yes, I was really wanting to commit to the lifetime responsibility of raising a child and was ready to start on that path. So I told my husband, who responded encouragingly. He said “you’re my wife, I love you, and I want you to have my babies.” Which, really, was the most awesome, sweet, and loving thing he could have said to me at the time. It still makes me smile. Then, we started the slow process of telling our friends and family of our change in direction.
Before I told my husband that I was thinking of a baby, I had concerns about starting a family in Los Angeles. Neither of us have much in the way of close family out here, and there are problems with the area including over-crowding, over-urbanization, crime, overly expensive housing costs, and education concerns. So I mentioned to him, with none of my reasoning, that I was thinking we should maybe move to Minnesota to live closer to his family. This resonated with him, because his grandfather’s health is failing, and because he’s had a low level desire to move back home for some time anyway. We started talking about buying his grandfather’s 12-acre farm in Northfield, MN, with his grandfather and his parents. We would be neighbors to my husband’s wonderful parents on one side and his uncle Gerry on the other. We’d have a 3000sq ft house (if you included the basement) and about 5 acres of arable land to work with, including several storage sheds and farm related buildings existing on the property. The property would need some work – it hadn’t been a working farm in some time. Anyway, we went out to Minnesota to see the property and discuss the potential purchase with Grandpa but, at the end of the trip for various reasons, we ended up realizing we probably wouldn’t be able to move into that house after all. Uncle Gerry, however, mentioned he might be willing to sell his adjacent property – much smaller but much better kept and updated than Grandpa’s place, anyway. Due to illness in the family and other timing issues, we pushed back our original plan to move out there this Fall until next Spring.
In the meantime, of course, I ended up telling my husband about my desire to have a baby, and we decided not to try for pregnancy before we’d gotten moved to MN so we didn’t have to worry about the stress of the move and being pregnant at the same time.
Recently, in addition to all of this, a discussion with my sister paired with a session with my therapist that touched on it prompted me to evaluate how I’ve been handling something in my history that continues to affect my life to this day. I’m not ready to discuss this issue in any detail, but I may go into it a bit in the near future. In any case, almost overnight and with my sister’s help and support, I decided to go from not really dealing with the issue at all (almost ignoring it, in fact) to taking drastic steps to deal with it in the near future. This decision alone has been stressful and chaotic, but its something important to do before I go through the process of pregnancy and bringing a small, innocent life into the world.
Before I’d had a real chance to take actual steps on that problem, though, we got a call from my husband’s grandpa, asking us to please move to MN this Fall after all. He is now in an assisted living apartment and was planning to move his wife out of the farmhouse and into an apartment she wanted in town. This would leave the old house unattended through the harsh weather of Winter, and without someone there to keep it warm, weather damage and frozen pipes and things could occur. Despite his sons’ assurance that they could take care of the house in their absence, he wanted us to come up and house sit rent free for the winter months. In the Spring, we could negotiate a sale or rethink our housing plans as needed. We decided that I could move out there alone to take care of the house. My husband would stay behind to wrap up issues with our condo – arrange for sale of the place and begin to move our stuff piecemeal to MN over the months. We determined that I’d move up there in mid-October.
Meanwhile, after some research regarding the life-affecting issue I mentioned above through a few local organizations, it was determined that I’d have to travel back to Lafayette, Louisiana, to start working on this problem. Because of timing issues with the upcoming move, a cruise to Mexico we’ve had planned for like 6 months, and a trip to Phoenix in early November, we determined it’s now or never. So we bought a round trip ticket to Lafayette for the 19th-22nd of September.
Now, there’s been some question about the move to Grandpa’s house in October. Apparently he didn’t actually consult his wife before talking to Adam, and Grandma actually wasn’t planning on moving out this Fall. However, since that’s still in flux, it can go either way at this point. I’m not discarding the idea that I’ll end up moving to MN, but it’s not the definite thing it seemed earlier this week.
My question is this: Do the changes all of this stuff represents in my life more accurately fall within the purview of the tarot card, “Death”, or “The Tower”? I have heard that the Death card doesn’t tend to act as a reference to the act of death or dying itself, but rather to a change in one’s life. The Tower is most often seen as more a signifier of actual death or dying, but in reading up on it on the Web it seems it can also point to a great change. Which of these cards are more representative of my situation, do you think? Or if there’s another tarot card that is even better, what would you say that is?
Also, if you have any crazy restructuring going on in your life or your way of thinking this year, what is it? Anything life changing? Let me know!