As you may have seen in my previous movie post, I’m a sucker for scifi movies, fantasy, and childhood remakes. But sometimes remakes and reboots go too far and corrupt a good memory, or rehash something that shouldn’t be rehashed. Some movies don’t need to be made – they hurt my heart or my head or my soul. But Hollywood trudges on, making films that make you wish you had those two hours back.
The following is a personal list of films I’m not looking forward to seeing in the theatres. Full Disclosure: I’m so not a fan of modern comedies.
The first series was hokey enough
10. Robocop- Why are they rebooting this? The original(s) were weird and silly, and unless they get really interesting with the technology, no one really cares to see this rehashed. Do they? Am I just wrong?
How many asses do we need to kick?
9. KickAss 2- I left the theatre after KickAss feeling very sad for humanity. Yes, the “heroes” win – but at what cost? The little girl is destined for life-long therapy, and the boy is not far behind her. I don’t think my soul could take a 2nd dose.
More jerky camera headache inducing action! With less Matt Damon...
8. The Bourne Legacy- Really? We need to REBOOT the “Bourne” series? Hollywood, I challenge you to be more original.
Go, go gadget web!
7. Amazing Spider-Man- Rebooting film series seems to be the way to go these days in Hollywood. But there’s just no excuse with the technology we have available to release this movie with the sorry excuse for CGI web-swinging we’ve seen in all the previews and trailers. Ugh.
He gets a girlfriend, and she gets the girlfriend's thongs...
6. Friends With Kids- The premise: Two friends who live in the same apartment building decide to have a child together, without any sort of romantic relationship. Their involvement with each other is strictly in regards to their mutual child and continuing platonic friendship. Because, I dunno, rasing a child is the best part of a relationship? I don’t know. This one confuses me. I predict they fall in love and get married at the end of the film.
You aliens sunk my Battleship! Bastards!
5. Battleship- 1st, how does this really have anything to do with the classic board game other than having a sea battle involved? 2nd, Why are you stealing from Transformers? – Oh, right, it’s made by some of the same people…
Behold, I am God...er, Chevy Chase anyway...
4. National Lampoon’s Vacation- The National Lampoon movies are what I think started to turn me off of awkward situational comedies. They were the beginning of the end of my enjoyment of the Humor genre in film. We so do not need to revisit them.
Snooki isn't funny... ok, yes she is. Just look at her!
3. Three Stooges- Looks like a modern scene for scene rip off of the classic physical comedy TV series. Except with added Snookie. Really?? Oh, and don’t forget the nun in a barely-there bathing suit.
Yay, we get the award for stupidest movie genre mashup! Whee!
2. Project X- The title of this film invokes a SciFi-spy-thriller sort of feeling in me, but apparently it’s a new “found footage” film documenting a crazy high school party getting out of hand. No scifi elements like the recent Chronicle, this will be a high school sex comedy. I can’t see how the genre will benefit from the found footage style – But either way, it’s so not my thing.
This guy is so not Johnny Depp
1. 21 Jump Street- I love Johnny Depp; he’s dreamy, moody, quirky, hot, and did I say dreamy? He can almost do no wrong, even in his first claim-to-fame TV police drama, 21 Jump Street, that launched him headfirst into teenage heart-throb territory. What this goofy “remake” movie has to do with that gold nugget of 80′s television is an anyone’s guess. I want to slap the person who came up with this, and everyone else who endorsed it as a good idea.
Agree/Disagree? What movies are you not looking forward to in the coming months? Tell us in the comments!
